Sleeping in different beds does not always indicate relationship problems. And sometimes it can even strengthen a marriage. If you are a couple, you should sleep together. This idea seems so correct and natural that you probably never even thought of other options.
Separated sleep is perceived as a sign of relationship problems, or even as a method of punishment or manipulation (“I’ll sleep on the couch!”). However, many strong couples go to different beds every night.
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Why Do Couples Prefer to Sleep Separately?
If you look at some countries, it turns out that up to 23% of British couples and up to 40% of Canadian couples at least from time-to-time sleep in different beds. And they have good reasons for this.
To Take Care Of Their Health
British researcher Neil Stanley found that when people sleep together, they often do not get enough sleep. For example, if one of the partners snores or turns too actively, the other would get disturbed.
Health Problems Caused By Sleep Deprivation
The results of sleep deprivation can be frustrating. A third of the adults surveyed restless than the required seven hours a day. And sleep deficit leads to obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, heart attacks, and mental disorders. This is a big price to pay for observing the established rules of a happy marriage.
To Take Care Of Their Relationship
In 2016, researchers from the Paracelsus Institute (Germany) found out that relationship problems follow sleep problems. If at least one of the partners does not get enough sleep, he/she becomes nervous and irritable, and this inevitably becomes the cause of quarrels and misunderstandings. Therefore many couples sleep separately to get enough sleep and strengthen their relationship.
Partner Is Addicted To Alcohol
If your partner is addicted to alcohol and comes to bed drunk, it might disturb you. A drunken person may behave aggressively and it might also harm the relationship. In such a situation, it is better to separate the beds.
This does not imply that you should stop caring for your partner. But monitor their drinking regime and look for warning signs of alcohol abuse in your spouse. If there are any, you need to immediately call for help. It will not only improve the health of your partner but will also make your relationship stronger.
Sharing Sleep Can Lead To Quarrels
Fighting with your spouse can lead to sleep loss, but not getting enough sleep can make you fight more often. This situation has serious consequences for the couple, especially if sleepless nights are becoming more frequent.
Couples who have suffered from sleep deprivation for a long time have increased levels of inflammation in the body. This, in turn, can lead to a range of health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s disease.
Helps To Get Rid Of Insomnia
It’s not just family disagreements that lead to insomnia. If one of you is having trouble sleeping, both can have negative consequences. If one spouse is restless or has chronic problems, it can affect the other’s sleep.
Your Habits Don’t Match
If your habits don’t match your spouse’s, both will suffer. For example, one needs some background noise, while another needs complete silence to fall asleep.
One can open a window wide to feel the fresh air, while the other falls asleep only with air conditioning. Experts recommend developing healthy sleep habits, such as turning off all electronic devices and keeping your room completely dark. However, many people fall asleep better in a familiar environment, such as TV or music.
The problem only arises when the person sleeping next to you does not share your habit. The best solution would be a kiss before bed and separate sleeping rooms.
Your Schedule Doesn’t Match
If you’ve ever woken up to the sound of a squeaking mattress, your partner may be working at night. Many couples have different working regimes, which affects their sleep regimes.
Some couples just have different daily biorhythms. If you are an owl and rarely go to bed before 1 is, and your spouse loves to get up with the first rays of the Sun, sleeping in different beds can be a good way to maintain harmony in a relationship.
Are There Any Benefits To Sleeping Together?
If you read the previous arguments, you might get the impression that sleeping together destroys marriages, and sleeping separately is the solution to all problems. But this is not the case. For those who sleep in the same bed, have less production of cortisol. It is a stress hormone and the production of oxytocin, sometimes called the hormone of trust and affection, on the contrary, increases.
Men who suffer from obstructive sleep apnea, less responsible are to treatment if their spouses go to another room for the night. And their wives, contrary to expectations, do not get enough sleep either because they worry about their husbands or they just feel uncomfortable sleeping alone.
Besides, some psychologists believe that sleeping together makes the relationship deeper, stronger, and more trusting.
Can Sleeping Separately Harm Relationships?
Here, as they say, psychologists, it all depends on why people go to different rooms. If they seek to resolve their sleep problems in this way, a nightly “divorce”, at least temporarily, can benefit the relationship.
After all, a couple who gets enough sleep has fewer reasons for irritation and quarrels. At the same time, do not forget that you can at least try to eliminate many sleep disorders by contacting a doctor. For example, insomnia, snoring, or restless legs syndrome, which can cause people to kick at night or have difficulty falling asleep.
Summing Up
It is alright to sleep in different beds for having a good night’s sleep. But if the reason for sleeping separately is that one of the partners avoids the other and does not want to be in the same bed, this is an alarming signal. It means the relationship isn’t all right. And a night’s rest in different beds, in this case, will only increase the distance between partners.
In any case, sleeping together or separately is the personal choice of each couple. And in this matter, you should rely on your feelings, needs, and not on common stereotypes.